Timing
- Jan 28, 2018
- 4 min read
Did you ever feel like you just missed out on something? That perhaps you were just a little too late? Comedians know all about timing. It can make or break a joke. While I love a good joke and I have a healthy sense of humor, I am a horrible joke teller. Maybe the reason I can't tell a good joke is because of my timing. Timing is everything, no? The most recent event that left me feeling I have poor timing was Ursula K Le Guin. I have been aware of her for years; I have friends who speak highly of her work. But yet, I never took the time to read any of her material. Since I have been maintaining my blog, I have been wondering how people take their blogs and fashion them into a book. Two weeks ago I purchased No Time to Spare by Ursula and I've been reading it from time to time. This last week, Ursula passed away at age 88. I know her words live on in her many books but still, I won't be able to eagerly engage in something she has written that is hot off the press. As I read from this book this morning, she was writing about how she hated having readers contact her to ask her what something means. She wrote, "That's not my job honey. That's your job." (p. 41) Another example of timing was when I first heard the Beatles. It was 1970 and I was over at the house of a friend who lived a few blocks away. He was playing the song Let it Be. I loved the song! I loved the sound! I asked him about the group. I remember him telling me that they broke up and this was their last album. Obviously, their music lives on and certainly has staying power. But still, I never got to experience the excitement of an impending release of one of their songs. In reality, I'm not certain why it matters but it seems to fuel some disappointment.
With my own transition, I found the courage to finally be me. Neither the world nor I were ready to be real when I was confused and people were less informed or aware of LGBT+ folks. In one of my darker times, I was saddened that I didn't have a chance to grow up as my authentic self. The idyllic visions my mind created left me wishing I had chosen a different path. I know I do much better in the fantasy world than the real world! As a journaling exercise for my therapy, I wrote about what life would have been like had I come out at age 15, 25, 35, or 45. This reflective look at the reality of the various scenarios was what I need to stay in the present and make the choices I need to make for my self at this time. In actuality, each time in my life, I have weighed the options before me and I have made prudent choices given the current parameters.
This isn't to say that I have always made good decisions. I most certainly have made foolish choices and I have some regrets. But for the most part I have been rather calculated and purposeful in my approach to life. When I was 17, I was lined up with the rest of the high school marching band, getting read to play the half time show. I ended up going on a rant about drinking and I decided at that moment that I would not drink. Forty years later, I still have not had a beer. That decision worked out for me. And while becoming a vegetarian was an impulsive decision that I made after returning from a trip to see my grandparents in Florida, I feel that has worked out well for me. I have not had meat in over thirty years.
With many things in life, I think we tend to focus on the missed opportunities, the path not taken, instead of relishing on the positives of the experiences that we did have. I am comforted that I have been able to be me; I am fortunate that I have been able to explore and enjoy the music of the Beatles over the years; I am glad that Ursula Le Guin has such a body of work that I am able to explore in the coming years.
Many of Ursula's phrases resonate with me. One that I need to constantly keep in the forefront of my mind is, "It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end." Good advice for living in the moment; good advice for when I feel as if the timing of the world is a tad off.
"And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow
Let it be" (Note: Just as I was about to publish this, I received an email from BrainPickings....all about Ursula Le Guin! Freaked me out!)
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