Kindness

I have tried to live my life with kindness. Many of my students and friends see me as kind but I know that I haven't always succeeded in being kind. Sometimes circumstances just bring out the worst in me. Driving is my biggest challenge. When people don't follow the rules of the road or take my turn at a four-way stop, I forget all about kindness. I'll never be involved in a road rage situation but I do admit to uttering some unkind words. I remember driving with my kids in the back seat when they were young. After one particular outburst of frustration from me while driving one of my kids called out, "Who you talking to?" I didn't think about the one-sided nature of this outburst would have been very confusing for them. I did better driving after that when they were with me. About a decade ago, I was fortunate to have been selected to take part in a two week seminar at Cal Poly Pomona. We studied Gandhi and nonviolence. I affectionally referred to it as Gandhi camp. I spent two weeks with 40 like-minded educators from around the country. It was an amazing experience! For the two weeks upon my return, I was in a bit of a kindness high. When someone did something wrong on the road I just assumed they were in more of a hurry than I was. Or I assumed they were a new driver or an old driver and I needed to cut them some slack. Sadly, I didn't sustain this mentality.

In the early days of my marriage my spouse had a post card on the door of the refrigerator that read: "Love me the most when I deserve it the least for that's when I need it the most." This made much sense to me. I found it to be a very helpful reminder and it probably helped my marriage to last as long as it did.

On my work email I have this quote as my salutation. “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” My own transition consumed me at times. This phrase helps me to remember that other people also have struggles and perhaps many of them are hidden as deeply as I hid mine.

Today I came across this quote from Og Mandino: "Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again." While this seems rather morbid or dramatic, at my age, it isn't always far fetched. So many people I have crossed paths with over the years are no longer around. I am going to try to practice this. I know that kindness is important; I know that I want the world to be kind. Living with kindness and treating people kindly takes work.

I am learning strategies to help me. This past week I received an email that was harsh and hurtful, from my perspective. In my anger, I quickly typed out a response. Then, I saved it in my drafts and vowed to sleep on it. I reflected how the other person would feel upon receiving it. In the morning, I crafted an alternate response that led with an apology on my part for actions that might have resulted in the email being sent to me. I know the details are vague but I am learning to step back and do my part to foster kindness. If we truly are going to change the world, or our corner of it, we have to recognize that it is our individual actions that will bring about the change. The toughest lesson for me to learn has been one of kindness toward myself. Perhaps I need to consider that I will be the one to be dead by midnight. I need to take good care and be kind to what I need in life.