Civility

Seinfeld is one of my all-time favorite television shows and I am well-versed in most of the plots. In one of the more iconic episodes, The Chinese Restaurant, George is patiently waiting to use the pay phone (yes, the show is old!) and a woman beats him to the phone when he stopped paying attention for a moment. While she is on her call, ignoring George and his claims, he calls out, "You know, we're living in a society! We're supposed to act in a civilized way." I wish I had a massage for everytime I wanted to yell that out in the first twenty four hours of this trip.

We took the bus from Madison to Chicago. Things were going fine but about halfway there, someone got on with extremely loud music playing in his headphones. I found it difficult to turn off the teacher mode in me but I didn't feel comfortable telling him to turn it down. Later, when the woman near us was having a loud phone call, the bus driver yelled at her to think of her neighbors after she exceeded the two minute limit. Then, when we were getting off the bus, people from the back started getting off first and we were trapped in our seats. One young man sneezed right as he was exiting past me and I could feel the breeze on my hair. Ugh! I made a noise of disgust but he said nothing. What happened to "Sorry" or "Excuse me"?

When we waited to board our train in Chicago, we were instructed to line up single file and have our tickets ready. I am thinking that maybe "single file" is an antiquated phrase as most didn't comply. As we were walking to our train car all the way down the gate, the line was bunched up and moving slowly. A woman cut in front of us by going around a pillar on the right after we had been told to go around on the left. I called her out and to stay in line. Her reply, "Oh honey, there are no lines with trains." We exchanged a bit and then when the line was moving again, I passed her. Later, she cut back in front. I called her out again and she blew me off, telling me she had friends in the front. Maybe it was true, maybe not. She could have just said that in the first place!

On the train from Chicago to New York there were loud people. One person talked on the phone for 2 - 3 hours before and after dawn. One guy near us was very friendly but wanted to engage in conversation more than I wanted. As someone trying to be more ecofriendly in my travel, I want to use public transportation as much as I can. As an introvert, who sometimes needs to not be so close to people, I would much rather be in my car. Perhaps it is America's love affair with the auto that has contributed to this degradation of civility. Have we forgotten how to be nice?

I feel some of the responsibility for these situations belongs to the institutions who don't set up clear methods of organization. For example, I am a big fan of the post office style of line - used in many other places too. People are lined up in order of entering and the first person in line goes to the next available cashier. I don't care for the grocery store model where people have to guess on which is moving faster.

I may be simply focusing on the negatives of things that annoy me. Since we've been in New York, we've ridden on the subway, aka trains, often. For the most part, there are expectations and protocol that are followed. One rule is that people exiting do so before people entering. At one stop, only a couple were getting off so I thought I could just enter on the other half of the doorway. One of my traveling companions called me out and I'm glad she did. I realized my error. Perhaps too often we are perceiving of the world from only our perspectie and fail to constantly consider our impact on the community.

We went to see Kinky Boots and it was fantastic! One song drove me to tears and I needed to grab a tissue from my purse. I started to retrieve it but stopped as I feared it would make too much noise. The stranger to my right with whom I was to share an armrest, never got that lesson, apparently. He was munching through the entire show. I don't know exactly what he had but Peanut M&Ms was one of them. He also had a glass of something with ice. During one of the very touching, quiet songs, he tipped his plastic cup with only ice back to get the last drops. I found that to be inconsiderate.

In this day and age, I think we are less comfortable confronting strangers. With the violence in society and conceal carry laws, sadly, one never knows when she might say something to the wrong person. Growing up, if we did something wrong in the neighborhood and it was viewed by a neighbor, our parents learned about it. I remember playing with a few friends in some big dirt piles near our houses. We were 7 - 9 years old. One of them had matches and they were lighting some paper on fire. All of a sudden, they took off and I didn't know why. Then I felt a friend's mom's arm reach down and grab ahold of mine. She walked me back to my house and turned me in to my mom. (In my defense, I was just watching.) That didn't fly so well with the judge and jury! I don't know that this scenario would play out in a similar fashion in the present time.

Last night coming back on the train the cars were full. I observed an older gentleman standing farther down the car, holding onto the hand rail, talking with a woman who was standing with him. I witnessed a young man and his companion get up to offer their seats to them. Although the gesture was declined, it restored my faith that some people are still being raised with a sense of decency. One of the lessons I continue to learn in life, is that I just need to work on me, being my best self, modeling what I expect and hopefully have an impact on my corner of the world.