Innies vs. Outies

One of the beautiful aspects of being human is that we continue to learn about ourselves as we age. Life itself is a journey of self-discovery. The choices we make in response to life events, the experiences we have or choose not to take, shape our sense of self. I have always felt that I was a bit different growing up. I sense that this is a common feeling for most people. I think the transgender piece cause me the most confusion. When I was young and said I wanted to be a waitress when I grew up, I think I really meant a waitress! As much as I try to shy away from labeling myself, I can put myself in a number of categories. In fact, sometime, I may write a song about where I fit. It would be a folk, country or blues song. The title or chorus would include the phrase, "I'm an early-rising, tee-totaling, liberal, transgender, intoverted, idealistic vetetarian."

Lately, it is my introverted self that has been receiving the most of my attention. I finished reading, The Introvert Advantage and I found it quite helpful. The author looks at parent / child relationships, as well as couples. I found that it gave me some of the language for self-care and for addressing those extroverts in my life. While visiting my daughter in Brooklyn, I started reading the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. I learned of some of the history of how our society has learned to value extroverts over introverts. Looking at my life through the lens of innies vs. outies helps me to feel okay. I feel pressure sometimes to be more outgoing...more social. I am fortunate to have family, friends, and a partner who accept me as an innie. Last evening Linda and I went to hear a band at Atwood Fest. We met some teacher friends from my Two Rivers days and they managed ​​

to score some space in the front row. As we navigated our way through the crowd to get to the front, I began to panic. I quickly ducked out. I tried some self-talk as I walked to the back and around to the side. I peered in to the crowd and noticed that Linda was there and I reasoned that I could handle it at the front if I hugged the railing at the front. And that's what I did. I lasted four songs! I tried to tap to the music, I even ventrued to sway a few​​ times. All of those people, all of those sets of eyes, just got too much. I apologized and left. I still enjoyed the music. First, from the shade of a tree about 100 feet away. My back supported and despite ants crawling on me and the thought that I was sitting in a place where dogs probably have peed, I was more comfortable than in a big crowd. Later I went to a stone bench across the street from the venue. I was able to stretch out, listening to music and watching bees pollinate some of the lavender plants near by. I appreciated being at the point in life and in my relationship where it is okay to enjoy common things but not necessarily in the same way.

Biking in Madison has been wonderful! I have been making many short trips and riding 20 - 25 miles per day. There are many spots with nice views. One of my favorite spots is a bridge over Starkweather Creek. Around each post is a well-established Morning Glory plant. Just yesterday I learned why they are called Morning Glories. They bloom in the morning but already, when the sun is not very high, they

close up. I biked past at 7:30 this morning and they were open and beautiful. By 10:30, they had already closed. Just like me, these flowers tend to be at their best in the morning and by midday, have had enough. I think this is my new favorite flower and I am somewhat tickled that I just discovered this. For the record, my favorite flower was hollyhocks. While there is much to love about the flower, it vaulted to first after I lived alone for the first time as an adult. I rented a dark and gloomy efficiencey on West Main St. in Madison. At the end of the year, the landlord hung on to my security deposit when the place was the same as when I moved in. In my quiet act of retaliation, I took seeds from many of the hollyhock plants that were growing in the backyard of his place. He might have kept my $250 but I got seeds and plants that beautified my garden for years. I think it is time for me to crown a new flower as the reason seems more genuine and pure. Also while biking, I noticed that a rock was painted since I had passed there last. The message: "You. Are. Enough." I have always appreciated that phrase. I met an English teacher friend for coffee this morning, just after I passed this rock. I had to share the picture and

of course she pointed out the punctuation. She commented how the period after each word gave it more power.

I AM enough. You are enough. We all are enough. Whether we are innies or outies, vegetarians or omnivores, we are enough. Life is too short to be anything other than who we are.