Situational Psychology

Change doesn't always arise from large or loud events. Sometimes the smallest, quietest of actions can have the greatest of impacts. A few weeks ago, I was having challenging days at work. Student behaviors, along with a grueling schedule this year, had me on the ropes. In one class, students simply were not listening nor were they complying with my directions. In a word, I was exasperated. I'm embarrassed to write that I gave up. I went to the front of the room, sat on a stool, and watched the students, most of whom were off-task. I did this for 5 - 10 minutes. From atop the stool, my mind went down well-worn paths I had traveled before: "I'm too old to do this anymore." "I'm not as patient as I used to be." "The students would be better off with someone else." "I wonder what would happen if I just walked out right now." The ensuing self-talk allowed me right my thinking. Eventually, I raised my voice, went on a little rant, and regained control of my class. Inside, I was still defeated, but outside, I was in control. Admittedly, I was holding back tears. After this class, students went to lunch. Students are often hungry during this class as their lunch isn't until 1 p.m. This may have been a factor for their behavior and they were eager to leave as soon as it was time. As they filed out of the room, I slowly walked back to my desk, to sit in my comfortable, worn, brown chair. Exhaling with a heavy sigh and catching my breath. When I looked up, there was a student walking toward me. She didn't say a word but rather simply smiled as she handed me the tiniest of origami stars with a smiley face on it. I just melted, let out an "Awww..." and thanked her. She turned on her heels and haded off to the cafeteria. I just sat back and cried.

This simple act of kindness helped for me to see that some of my students do need me; that I am never too old to stop learning; that compassion is like a switch in a railway yard, sending one's train of thinking down an alternative track. In this case, instead of focusing on the stress of the class period, I was absorbing the good vibes from this bright, tiny smile, both on the origami, and on the face of the girl who delivered it to me.

There are many kind people in my life. I try to be kind so perhaps this is all an example of me reaping what I sow. I recall in college and beyond, I worked at a Mexican restaurant on the west side of Madison. It was over six miles from my apartment so I had to take a bus to and from work. The restaurant closed at midnight and the last bus was at 1 a.m. Some nights, I had to race through my cleaning and then sprint to the bus stop a quarter mile away. Some nights, I didn't make it. Not having money for cab fare in this pre-Uber era, meant a long walk home. A two hour walk at one in the morning wasn't the best of times. However, a friend and occasional roommate had his grandfather's 1949 DeSoto with him in Madison. There were a few times that he offered to pick me up and I gladly accepted his kind gesture. Just getting a ride was appreciated but getting to travel in such style was a bonus! Fast forward to 18 months ago, my friend needed to quickly find a home for his now inoperative auto. We have space in our yard since we live in the country. Of course, it was no trouble for him to have the vehicle towed here to store until he found a more suitable home. I feel I am giving back the kindness that I received. And I honestly don't mind that it is still here. In fact, every time I see it, I am reminded of my kind friend, 35 years ago.

Last year, I gave my mom some mums for their apartment balcony. Late last fall, she asked me to take the pots away to the earth home, to give them to their Amish neighbors who could use them in their greenhouse. Instead, I wintered the mums over and planted one of them in my yard. The lovely color made much more bold from the white of an early snow storm. One summer the flowers add color in Sun Prairie, this summer the splash of color was in Manitowoc.

Aesop said, "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." If I take time to breathe and notice the world around me, I can see exactly what he meant.