The Giver

As I was walking along the lake before sunrise this morning, it dawned on me (sorry): I am the Giver. For those unfamiliar with The Giver by Lois Lowry, a seemingly Utopian society has all of the memories of the past housed with one person. In a sense, that is how I perceive myself. I began teaching at Washington half way through my career. There are many people working there who have been there longer than I have. However, because one of my hobbies is videography, I am the keeper of memories. I began teaching at Washington in 2004. That same year, I took over putting together the End of the Year video. Tradition was that before the students all left for summer, they would gather in the auditorium for a talent show and a 20 - 30 minute video that chronicled the year. There would be pictures and video of all of the learning, sports, extracurriculars, dances and just plain fun from September to June. I can honestly say, that one of my highlights was watching and listening to hundreds of people watching my work. Hearing the laughter and cheering from where I stood at the back of the crowd, gave me quite a thrill.

I always put in footage of the last dance, the final time our 9th graders would dance in the gym. I enjoyed seeing the unique ways that each class chose to celebrate the final dance that was just for the freshmen. I also burned copies of the DVD to sell for a few bucks to help buy equipment for the Video Club. There were years when I would literally stay up all night working on the video the night before the last day of school. Obviously, creating this video necessitated that people take pictures and record events. For years, I went to all of the band, chorus and orchestra concerts. I would film each one and then, by the next morning, I'd have the concert on a DVD for the director to use to view with the students, to enhance learning. I would also try to make it to at least one of each of the sporting events to get some video footage. Fortunately, the last two associate principals both were excellent photographers and supplied lots of coverage of events. With the increasing prevalence of smart phones, my job became easier as more people shared memories with me.

This year, we don't have as many pictures from the second part of the year, for a few reasons. There will be no end of year video. My Media students may come up with something, but it won't be the same. There is talk of trying to have a talent show in the virtual world or hold an awards ceremony. It is unfair that these students don't have the opportunity. However, we know we all need to be safe. My heart is also heavy for the graduating seniors who may miss out on their ceremony, culminating their K-12 education. For those not from around Manitowoc, Lincoln High School has a beautiful outdoor ceremony that is like none other. (Of course, there are risks. I was pooped on by a bird while lined up to march, but that's a story for another time!)

In the early years, my footage was all on mini DV tapes. I imported it into imovie, edited it, and then burned it to a disc. My world was changed with google drive and youtube. I am able to upload video and share it once I edit the footage. I save a lot of time not having to burn to a disc. However, my youtube account and my google drive are tied to my school account. And with apology to IT directors, so are the 22,000+ emails in my inbox. I have messages and memories from past and current colleagues, many of whom are my friends. Occasionally, someone will be looking for a picture, a clip, a file and ask. Usually, I can locate the sought after, long lost item from the depths of my archives.

Once I am done in June, my digital past will be gone. When I think about that too much, I actually cry. I am the self-appointed memory keeper of Washington. I have assemblies, concerts, guest speakers, school plays, you name it, from the last 15 years. I can't just let it disappear. I am feverishly organizing it, digitizing it, and putting it in a form where I can pass it along to someone else.

The parallels with The Giver seem too close. If you know the story, one learns that this apparent Utopian world is actually Dystopian. The old ways are looked at with disdain. Society as a whole has gravitated to 'Sameness.' I know I have bias but it seems that in education, and in my building, we are heading toward this sameness, this business model of education, rather than the authenticity and genuineness that I feel we need for learning. And, silly as it may sound, I feel like a part of me is disappearing. Seven years ago, when I was economically downsized, I learned the hard way that I am not my job. It was that event that was the catalyst for me finding the courage to be my authentic self. (I now refer to that year as my sabbatical year.) And while I know that 'teacher' is not the only way I define myself, it has been an important part of who I am....who I was. The sadness that consumes me at times, like right now while I write this, is no doubt compounded by the fact that this end of school year is different. It certainly is an odd and unfortunate year on which to end a career. I am missing my students, missing my colleagues and those connections I have forged. These thoughts of loss have been creeping forward in my thinking as I enter the last month of my career. I see the yearbooks from every year that I've taught on the shelves behind my computer. I have a binder with copies of the DVDs I gave to others. Seemingly, I snapped my fingers and thirty years has passed. If I am honest, I know that I have had an impact. However, sometimes I question how much. I suspect this is human nature. Perhaps this is a common thought for those of us who teach middle school! I love seeing my former students out in the workforce and seeing them on life's journey. Last night, I received an email from a graduating senior. Her words struck me and provided me both comfort and tears.

Hello Ms.Larsen,

I'm a senior this year. You may not remember me, but I do remember you! As teacher appreciation week comes to an end. I would like to thank you for all that you have done as an educator. I only had you as a teacher for Media production and for one semester, but you were very impactful outside that class. You shared with me some of your favorite book recommendations and pushed me to always be kind and be the best that I can be. I love how open minded you are and how easy it was to talk to you.

Thank you for all that you do,

<signed>

Of course I remember her! But I didn't realize she remembered me. This helped me to realize that yes, I have been the keeper of memories and I do need to pass them off. However, I am also in the memory of others. I am not disappearing. My words and my actions are still present.