Living on the Balance Beam

Life is all about finding balance. Nothing profound, nothing earth-shaking, just a succinct phrase to sum up answer to the age old question, "What is the meaning of life?" Feel free to disagree but the past ten days, I have had numerous reminders of the balance that exists, the balance I need, and the balance that escapes me. As a gardener, one cannot spend hours with her hands in the soil without being reminded of balance. A healthy soil has a variety of matter and organisms. The plants need both the heat of the sun and the moisture from the clouds. Since it is planting season, my last three weekends have been out of balance while I create space, prepare the soil and plant the hundreds of seedlings I began in early March. I admit to aching muscles as I hauled compost to the garden. My dogs were barking as I carted dozens of pails of water from my rain barrels to my own tranquil Eden.

Last night, it rained. My empty rain barrels are now full, my gardener's insurance against a future drought. All told, I have about 400 gallons stored, waiting for a time to be returned to the water cycle via my plants. Of course, we do have the pond in the back yard and carrying water from there to the garden is also an option. This morning, the soil is a bit wet for any more planting. My muscles are thankful for the relief and my body can return to a state of equilibrium. I married into a farming family. As a city kid, I learned much about farming from doing my father-in-law's chores one summer after he had hip replacement surgery. I lived with my in-laws for the summer and had many intriguing conversations. I recall one conversation where he talked about the need for balance in farming. The alfalfa needed cooler weather to thrive while the corn liked it more hot. Invariably, what was good for one, was bad for the other. But yet, the farmer needed both grain and hay. There's a reason farmers keep an eye on the weather as they have to know when to plow, when to plant, and when to harvest. "You have to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em." A couple weeks ago, a friend sent me a book, The World-Ending Fire: The Essential Wendell Berry. I am surprised that I was not familiar with this author or his words. As Wendell roams around his country homestead in Kentucky, he relates to the land as well as to time. I am finding that much of his words resonate with my mindset right now. Normally, I devour books. However, there are some books that I

savor. I purposefully read them slowly, setting them aside to reflect on the ideas floating around my brain, secure in the feeling that I know I always have something enjoyable next to my reading chair, ready to captivate me as soon as my thumbs open to the page I bookmarked. As I read this book, it reminds me of one I read decades ago while just out of college, The Land Remembers by Ben Logan. I need to find my copy and read that again. I am certain that decades of life will offer me a differing perspective.

Another friend told me of a documentary called, The Biggest little Farm. For starters, the videography in this film was amazing! There's something captivating about slow motion footage of hummingbirds and bees as they pollinate flowers. Drone shots of beautifully reclaimed land north of Los Angeles also inspire the viewer. As this couple worked to

create a sustainable farm, the idea of balance in nature is an underlying theme. Watching this yesterday helped me to realize that our earth is much like a balance beam.

As a teacher for thirty years, I have always found my life to be out of balance. During the school year, work consumes me. I view being a teacher as a public servant. Long hours with planning and grading in the evenings. There were years where working on the weekends was common as well. My sleep was out of balance as I would lose sleep worrying about my students or stressing about some situation. I have thirteen days of teaching left. As I type this, the letters have become fuzzy with the tears welling in my eyes. But yet, I am looking forward to finding balance beyond the world of work. Locating a part-time job to pay for my insurance will be a necessity but hopefully I can stay up on the beam. As an English teacher for five years, I learned one could never have enough bookcases. I had intended to leave behind one shelf in particular but I couldn't find any takers. My students pointed out how it leaned heavily to one side, much like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. I knew it would be thrown in the dumpster if I left it so I started to take it apart to haul home in my car. When I noticed that some parts were still okay, I had the idea to repurpose it as a raised bed. So instead of housing Russian Literature or The Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, it now houses Russian kale and basil. The wood is cheap and it may only last in this capacity as a raised bed for a few years. Eventually, it will decompose, returned to the earth in the delicate balance that exists.

The ancient Chinese had it right with the concept of yin & yang. The dualism that exists to both oppose and balance the world helps us to understand life and ourselves. Years ago, Linda found Yin Yang beans at our favorite seed company, Fedco. Since I have decided that this is a good year for dry beans I am once again planting them. As I gently set each seed in the soil, I will be reminded of the delicate balance we all face as we try to remain on this balance beam of life.