Advice Column

by Deena Dawn Larsen

Growing up, I admit that I often read Ann Landers. I was curious about the things people would write to her about. I would find myself reading the problem and then coming up with my own answer before comparing it to hers. I felt that this was a good test of my moral compass and the process gave me insights into a little slice of Americana. With a bit of misdirection, I am pointing out that this blog post does not have anything to do with me giving advice, but rather, seeking it. I'm not sure if it is accurate to say that I am faced with a dilemma. In my mind, a dilemma involves a difficult choice and has a negative connotation. While my choice is difficult, the options, or end result, are nothing but positive. And before I get down to the nitty-gritty of my predicament, I fully recognize that I have privilege and I wrestle with the guilt that my situation bestows upon me. Right now, and if I'm honest, the last couple of years, I need to decide where I want to live. Such a problem! Definitely a first world problem. Here are my options: Front Door #1 opens to our house in the country of Manitowoc. Front Door #2 is at our condo in Madison. Front Door #3 opens into the earth home in Marquette County, Wisconsin.

Manitowoc. We moved here in 1966. I went to school, K - 12 here. I've lived in this current house for 31+ years. I've gardened here for decades. Our children grew up in this house. I can easily cry just walking around the yard as the memories flood my mind.

While there may only be 3.5 acres, it is my small sanctuary. Many of the trees I've planted and cared for over the years. I have learned to collect sap to boil down into syrup. A friend and I have bee hives here and this year the honey was bountiful and delicious. My three chickens have found a home here and have much land on which to free range.

I am currently working at a local non-profit and I have this calming feeling that I am exactly where I need to be right now. My work is fulfilling and I think it meshes nicely with my skillset. Walking away right now wouldn't feel right. Lastly, Manitowoc is home to my support system. I have life long friends here. And Lake Michigan is one place that restores my spirit. (I was going to say that Lake Michigan grounds me but that is rather oxymoronic!). How can I leave the Big Pond? How can I leave my friends with whom I've shared careers, laughs, and tears?

Madison. I was born there. My family history begins there. My parents met and got married there, I went to college, worked, fell in love, proposed and enjoyed coming alive there in the 1980s. Our condo is 50 feet from a bike path that will connect us anywhere. Not having to drive a car is wonderful and it fits with my values. I have family members in Madison and Sun Prairie, including my mom, wife, sister and son. Of course, I want to be there to be closer to people I love. Madison also has memories of college and it has culture, not to mention a political and environmental mindset that jives more closely with my own. We love volunteering for various community events and going to festivals. We've met some amazing people in the process.

Dalton. Mom and Dad's home in the woods. 24 acres of mostly hickory, oak and cedar trees. Although things have fallen

into somewhat disrepair, I am slowly working toward restoring what I can.

It was here that I lived for a couple months after college, in the early winter, without electricity or heat other than wood. I found balance in nature and reflected on life. I made the decision to go back to school to get certified as a teacher. It was also here, thirty years later, that I decided I could no longer continue in education as I felt my profession had abandoned my ideals. I was married on this land in a chapel built by Dad, with a little help with the grunt work from the rest of us. The chapel was small and we only had room for 50 at our wedding. Because of this, every summer for 24 years we held the Linden Picnic here. Some years we had over 70 people! Linda and I also gardened here before we were married.

Mom and Dad created an amazing life here in the heart of Amish country. It was the perfect stopping point when anyone was crossing the state, either north and south or east and west. Dad is laid to rest on the family Remembrance Path, along with other relatives. There is a bench right near him where I go to talk with him. If you know me, you know that sustainability is important to me. Clearly, maintaining and managing all three places is not sustainable. Maybe I could manage two, but for sure not three. I've tried to frame this as my past, my present, and my future, but that falls apart as each can fit into all of those categories. I've tried reflecting when I am at each place for an extended time. The bottom line is, I can be happy in any one of these places. But I want to be happy in all of them! Such a problem to have, such a first world, privileged problem. So, dear readers, how do I choose? I hope that each of you will reach out to me, and give me some guidance. I will picture you all in a line, approaching me to share your insights, my own column of advice.