National Coming Out Day
- Oct 11, 2020
- 3 min read
I have watched this video countless times in the last decade and it has helped me through many a rough time. Sometimes the journey to live one's authentic life can be isolating and lonely. Each of us is on our own path and sometimes that path is bumpy. Even now, this video makes me cry every single time I watch it. Toward the end of the video, seeing the outpouring of support that these individuals have, is overwhelming. There were times that I imagined me in this group and I could visualize the support that I had in my own life. Honestly, it kept me going during some rather dark times.
In November of 2016, a couple of my teacher friends and I went to New York for a Book Riot conference. We went on our own, not through work, and met up with my daughter while there. This was the first time I flew as my authentic self but my identification did not match my gender expression. I was nervous about going through TSA at the airport. Everything went amazingly well. Later I learned that there were some looks and comments behind my back a few times, but in general, things went well. The feeling of walking around a big city and not having to be fearful of discovery was liberating and exhilarating. We had a blast! Lots of sites, good food and wonderful sessions about books.
It was just prior to heading for home that I decided to post pictures of our trip on social media, thus outing myself. Gender identity is not a protected class in Wisconsin. Some local agencies have added language to include it but my employment could have been terminated.
I recall the plane ride home and expressing concern to my friend sitting next to me that I may be out of a job come Monday. Thankfully, my
employer was supportive.
The outpouring of love and support I received was incredible! The words I wrote the day after I returned express it best: "I came home to an exploded inbox. I have had such an outpouring of support from people from my past, former teachers, colleagues, former classmates, relatives, etc. I have spent the last three hours responding with people. I have cried laughed and simply been overwhelmed with the love and support. I am simply blown away."
To be clear, I was slowly coming out to family and friends in the years prior to this. Before I left for New York, I wrote a list of friends and family who were supportive of me. I wrote this on some old pin-feed computer paper. I brought this paper with me in my suitcase as I knew that my travel would not have been possible without their support. Upon my return, I would have needed twice as much paper to add many more names to my list!
As I became more comfortable in my skin, with the love and support of friends and family, my confidence grew. There were, and still are, challenges along the way. A couple friends shared, This is Me, from the Greatest Showman with me. This song came along at a good time in my transition. Despite being out, I still struggled. Hiding in the shadows and feeling fear of not being accepted were both all too real. When I feel my confidence lacking or I feel I am not enough, this video recharges me. Keala Settles has an amazing voice and her delivery is powerful.
I recognize and appreciate how fortunate I am to have a loving family. My friend group is overflowing with supportive people. There were a couple times that I was close to ending my life because of the fear and darkness. I am embarrassed that I doubted the people in my life and their capacity to accept and support me. Those days are a reminder to me that for those not yet out or who are in the process of coming out, the struggle is real. I find it difficult to say, "Happy Coming Out Day." While I hope the end result for people is happiness, I know that the day itself can be a day of doubt, uncertainty, and fear. I think "Have a confident Coming Out Day" works better. And for all you wonderful allies out there, be that listening ear, the warm smile and those comforting words.
Peace & Love. ✌️❤️🧡💛💙💚💜🖤
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